There is a major false doctrine being taught here in the western world that is destroying many lives. I call this doctrine the “Disney Doctrine”. Mainly because they are one of the biggest companies promoting this doctrine.
And what is this doctrine? Its the doctrine that tells you that you have to find your “other half”. That you have to have a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife in order for you to be happy and for your life to be complete. That being single is some kind of plaque and that you can’t be happy being single. Or that being single means that there is something wrong with you.
This is reinforced by every Disney movie and just about every love story ever told. And is normally ends with the phrase “And they lived happily ever after.”
But the truth is, you do not need to have a romantic partner in order to be happy or complete. You are not half a person! You are a whole person! Being single is not a plaque. And there is nothing wrong with being single.
Dating or getting married should be one of the last things on your list of things to do in life. There are far more important things to focus on in life.
You need to learn to love yourself 100% first. Even those things about yourself that you know you need to work on or personality traits and quirks that make us all unique.
If you aren’t happy with yourself and your life, then there is no one or no thing out there that can make you happy. That is an unrealistic expectation to put on anyone or anything.
The number one thing you need to work on is figuring out what about yourself or your life that is making you so unhappy or miserable. This will require you to sit down and evaluate your life. To sit down and write down what you want out of life. Write down what kind of life do you want. Where do you want to live? What is your dream job? What do you want to live in? What activities bring you joy? We’ll dig into these questions more in-depth in a bit.
This can be done alone or with a counselor, psychologist or a life coach. It doesn’t matter if you do it alone or with help, what matters is getting started.
The plan out the step to achieve these goals.
Let’s start with Where do you want to live? For example, say you want to live in San Francisco. Where do you want to live in San Francisco do you want to live? Do research on San Francisco to see where the best places to live in the cite are, what the cost of living is in those areas, what jobs are available in those areas, etc. Once you’ve done your research and found a place where you want to live, begin to plan out how to make the move possible. Start with evaluating your current savings to see if you can afford to move. If you don’t have enough funds to move, start saving up the funds to move and come up with ways to make extra money to put into those savings. Once you have the fund in place to make the move, begin looking for a job in the area that you’re looking to move to. While you’re doing that, apply for jobs in the area you’re looking to move to. Set a date for the move.
Studies have shown that if you don’t make your goals specific, important to you or set a time frame in which to meet that goal, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Setting a time frame is especially important in keeping you on track with your goals.
Next, let’s deal with the questions of “What is your dream job?” and “What activities bring you joy?” as these two tend to go hand-in-hand. In order to help you find your dream job, it is best to start figuring out which activities bring you joy. That is: what do you enjoy doing? Here are some examples, do you enjoy helping others? Do you enjoy working with cars? Are you a history buff? Create a list of things that you enjoy doing in your free time. Then figure out how to turn those things into a business or career. Say, for example, you love the outdoors, you feel happiest when you’re in nature – in the woods, then maybe pursue a career and a forest ranger or ecologist.
It has been said, “Do what you love, and you won’t work a day in your life.” Which of course means: When you do what you’re passionate about for a living, it does feel like work. Of course, everything you do in life will have is rough periods, but your career or business should always bring you much more joy than it does frustration. After all, what you do to make money will be what takes up a large part of your life until you retire so you may as well be doing what brings you passion.
Once you figure out what business or career you want to pursue, research what education you need in order to get a job in that field, or what need is there in the area for the business that you want to create. Then learn how to create a business plan and whatever is needed to launch the business you desire to create. Are there any internships you can take in the field you want a career in? Are there any places willing to hire you and pay for the education needed to continue in your desired field? This is a great way to get into nursing for example. Are there any grants to help pay for college or trade school? These are just a few questions that you should be asking yourself.
Next, let us address the question of “What do I want to live in?” Do you want to live in an apartment in the city? In and house in the woods? Do you want to rent or own? This question goes along with where you want to live. Once you answer this question, you need again to research the cost of houses or apartments you’re interested in. Then figure out how you’re going to pay the rent or cost of the house you want. Do you have enough in savings for a downpayment or security deposit? Are you going to save up and pay cash for your house or are you going to seek financing to purchase your house? Working with a financial planner in the best way to find the answers to these questions.
These are just a few examples of the many questions you should be asking yourself in order to build a strong and happy life. This includes the importance of personal development.
If you have a negative outlook on life, you wouldn’t see the opportunities open to you or make the most of them. All you’ll do is find reasons why nothing will work out or why nothing good will ever happen to you. But if you chose to have a positive attitude, you will see and make the most of every opportunity that comes your way.
It is only after working on personal development, planning out and building the life that you want, that you will learn to be the happy, healthy, confident person God created you to be. Then along the way, you’ll draw in like-minded people that will help you achieve your goals and dreams. As well as friends who believe in you and support you.
Then, if it is God’s will for you to have a spouse, you will be ready for Him to bring them into your life. Because if you only love yourself 70% and your romantic partner only loves you 30%, it’s not good enough. You deserve nothing less than someone who loves you 110% and the same goes for them.
But even if it’s not God’s will for you to get married, it won’t matter because you will already be living a happy and fulfilled life.
It has been said that your vibe will attract your tribe. If you’re reeking of desperation and neediness, you’re going to attract users and losers. But if you radiate confidence, you’ll attract confident, caring people who will treat you as you should be treated.
I know that this has been a lot of information and I tried to keep it brief. These lessons take a lifetime to learn.
I just don’t want any of you to buy into the lie that says that you have to be dating to married to be happy. Don’t just settle for every bag of turds that comes along. You deserve the very best. And there is nothing wrong with being single whether it’s for a period of time or whether it’s for life.
Your happiness depends on two beings God and you. That is it.
Build your life, follow your dream, do what brings you joy, but have respect for yourself and others. Never cheapen yourself or waste other people’s time by dating just for the sake of dating or sleeping around with just anyone. I’ll address this statement more in another blog.
God and I want the very best for you. We want to see you all succeed and live your best life. Blessings!